hello friend.
it's been a while. i want you to know that i am safe, happy, and thriving in juneau. i feel like i have been back for months, while in reality, it has been a singular month. each day, my heart races with joy like american pharoah as he raced to win the american triple crown (yes, i watch horse races on occassion).
i start off my day questioning my reality: am i really here? as soon as i step outside into the rain and take a look at the mountains that surround me, i am reaffirmed. i am here. this is my home. this is the start of something new.
lately, i've been faced with a feeling that i have not had to face in years: homesickness. the girl who lives for adventure and the yolo moments, is missing her mitten shaped state and everything it stands for. i have theories as to where this foreign feeling stemmed from: knowing my time in juneau, could very well be indefinite depending on what doors my short one year contract opens, whether that be with the university or an obscure company. like, woah. i could be here FOREVER. truly, it's a wonderful concept. and an overwhelming one to fully comprehend and grasp. my career as an adult is starting.
when my thoughts wander in this direction of "forever" i do my best to put up the barricades: i'm only (almost) twenty three and if God allows it, i still have a lot of life to live. for all i know, i could be running a doughnut shop in five years. i could be in south america. heck, i could be in africa or north dakota.
i threw shotput and discus in high school track, but somehow, i have managed to successfully hurdle over life's hurdles. and i know that's because of God. i'm going to go where he wants me to be and not where i want to be. i need to live in a way that reflects my love for Jesus. a life full of love. a life in which i relinquish all control. a life with a happy heart.
one day i was driving home from work. i was sitting at a stop sign with farewell milwaukee's ben lubeck filling my car. i'm staring a mountain right in the eyeballs. everything hit me in that moment: "dude. allie. what the fuck are you doing here?". weeks later, i still don't know. i have absolutely no idea how i even got here. yeah, i'm here for work (which i am loving by the way). but i truly believe my being in juneau has a greater purpose. yo, it is a magical place. a place that challenges me and encourages me. one in which i am growing in my faith immensely and one in which my spirit is growing. and i don't need to know. all i know is that it's where God wants me to be right now and i am so lucky.
other than the fact that i miss putter's annoying yelp, stephanie's constant desire to pester me, going to grandma's to catch up and drink her wine, endless games of cribbage with dad, netflix movies with mom, cuddles with mulligan, (illegally) playing croquet on the golf course, long conversations and comfortable silences with some of my best friends, and an endless supply of cheese curds i really have nothing to be homesick about.
with each hike, i wait for mr. tumnus to walk out of the woods and offer me a cup of tea. with each moment i spend under the stars, i realize just how insignificant i really am but at the same time, how loved i am by Him. with each waffle i eat, my taste buds cheer. with each smile i give, the gloomy soggy days seem more sunny. with each hour, second, and minute i spend with friends, i am validated in both my worth and their worth. with each day of work, i reflect on how blessed i am to have a job right out of college (a job that can slowly help me pay off my mounds of student debt). my life is really good. my heart is really happy.
i really don't have a lot to complain about. except the high gas prices in comparison to the lower 48. it could be worse. i've been able to rollerblade since i've been back, hike and explore, grow in my faith, and hug everyone i love! i'm excited for summer and all it entails: several visitors, playing softball, camping, frolfing, kayaking, hiking, laying beneath the stars, campfires, etc.
sending love and happiness and hugs your way!
xoxo
-A