Dear First Grade Self, You are undoubtedly rocking your Winnie the Pooh overalls, pigtail braids, missing teeth, and awkward disposition.
You are walking your classroom halls with confidence--even though you get yelled at for picking at the name tag on your desk or for stealing things from the art classroom. You are innocent. You are happy. You are carefree. You love reading Junie B. Jones to your classmates aloud. You have dreams of becoming a teacher so that you can write on the overhead projector whenever you desire. Your little heart is sad because you've just lost a second grandparent. You'll wear each of them around your neck in a gold-locket and grow to cherish it. You have an upcoming trip to California to visit Aunt Shelly and Uncle Rus. In fact, you are so excited for the trip, you'll throw up in your red track suit the night before.
As you continue your education at Canterbury, you'll feel bullied and your parents will force you to join martial arts, where you will gain an incredible amount of confidence (even though you hate going). Your style will in fact, not be stylish at all despite your efforts. You'll literally lose one of your teeth at school, and the custodian will call you at your house after school to tell you that he found it in a pile of dust. Keep in mind that with each tooth lost, it will have to grow back. And they do not grow back nicely. Don't worry, braces will fix that and later on in life, your smile will never go unnoticed. In third grade, you'll meet one of your best friends, and eventually, you'll be in her wedding. You'll communicate via walkie talkies from across the street, swing on the tire swing, play polly pockets, and make so many more memories together. There will be a period of time in which you stop talking all together because you lose touch. But come high-school, it'll be like that period of time never existed. You'll pick up right where you left off. She'll be there for you through thick and thin as you have heart-to-hearts in her driveway in her car, even though you live right across the street from one another.
You and Mr. Bambridge, your counselor, will become very close. Especially when you have to meet with him about wearing your seemingly hideous vomit colored Columbia winter coat after fighting with mom on the way to school about not wearing it. You'll poop in your pants in the third grade because Mrs. Buettner will tell the class that no bathroom breaks are allowed. You, young sapling, realize that emergencies are excluded from this a little too late. In the fifth grade, you'll think that wearing the Aeropostale monkey print is the coolest. You'll have your first "boyfriend". You're going to feeling awkardly tall in comparison to your classmates. You'll HATE Sunday school, but when you're older, you'll wish that you had stuck with it. You'll lose a few pets: Gimlet, Kiwi 1, and Kiwi 2. But you'll gain Putter, a beautifully tragic dog. Most importantly, you'll briefly toy with the idea of teaching in Alaska. You need to count on middle-school being a weird moment of your life. Like everyone, you will go through an identity crisis.
Your friend group will constantly shift. You are going to be weird. I promise. At moments, you will feel ashamed of who you are. You will cry with mom in the living room about not fitting in, and she'll hug you and take you to a movie. You will take photos of your teachers with your squirt camera, and get it taken away. You will fall in love with the Spanish language and culture. Grandma will treat the family to a Caribbean cruise. Your favorite part will be the soft serve ice-cream machines--if anyone tells you that you can't eat 14 cones in one day, they are wrong. Because you can, and you will. You'll lose another grandparent. You'll get your period, and mom will call everyone to let them know that you've become a woman. You'll have to become comfortable with wearing more than just a training bra. In high-school, you will learn to embrace your personality, and even more so in college. The first day of high-school will seem overwhelming. First of all, the principal will escort you to your English class because you got lost. You won't know where to sit at lunch. And you will feel so intimidated by the upperclassmen. But as time moves on, all of these nerves will dissipate. The unfamiliar faces in the hallway will become friendly faces. You'll shed several tears as you decide to quit the softball team--something that has been a part of your life for as long as you can remember. Instead, you'll join track and fall in love with discus but hate shot put. You'll find a family on the swim team and realize how much you actually hate swimming the 100 butterfly. You will be Team Edward. You'll get detention because of your Pre-Calc 2 teacher who has you at the top of her shit list. You will work at a Scrapbook store. You'll discover your passion for graphic design through yearbook. And before you know it, it will be the end of your senior year and you'll have made the decision to attend UW-Eau Claire. College will be the best (and worst) time of your life. Mom will set you up with some guy you meet at orientation. The situation will be horrifying and it will haunt you forever. You will meet your lifelong friends. Friends whom you will sit under the stars with as you eat donuts. Friends who will comfort you when your heart is heavy. You'll realize, that life is not what it is panned out to be. Family dynamics will change. You and Stephanie actually become friends, and you are thrilled when she gets engaged. As an RA, you'll see a lot of really difficult things--and you have to be strong for your residents because they need you and you'll grow to love them with your whole heart. Your peers will struggle with suicide, sexual assault, alcohol poisoning, and drug overdoses. Remember to take time for you. You'll study abroad three times and spend a year in Alaska. You and dad will take an incredible road trip through Canada. You will change your major at least five times. You will fully embrace who you are and finally be comfortable in your own skin. You and mom will get closer on your road trip to Seattle. You are going to learn what it means to be a good friend, and lose a lot of friends in the process. There are going to be times when you drink too much and make mistakes. You are going to continue to be quirky, but always remember how loved you are because of it. You will learn to appreciate the small things about being home: Mulligan, Putter, family, midnight croquet, etc. Being a Creaster won't work anymore, you'll grow so much in your faith over your 4.5 years of college and learn what it is really like to surrender everything to God.
Your heart may be small now, but it will grow. Your ability to love is your biggest strength, but be careful because your
vulnerability will result in your beautiful fragile heart breaking. At 23 years old, you might be discontent with where God has you. You don't want your heart to hurt anymore. You'll have your fair share of insecurities. You'll question your worth in His kingdom. When you're at that point of discontentment, take a step back. You need to realize that with each moment your heart feels broken, His is breaking more. Reflect on your blessings. Raise praise. We have survived. We will continue to survive. We'll know mountains by name. We'll be there for countless friends. We'll make people laugh. We'll glorify God. Remember in fifth grade when we thought maybe we would move to Alaska? Well, young Allie, at 23, you will be living there. You will be able to walk across the glacier, have adventures amongst the mountains, experience the fear of being barked at by a sea lion whilst kayaking, and so much more. You have plans to join the Peace Corps or do a long term missions trip in South America. You have plans to go to grad school in Colorado to get your P.hD. Kid, you're going places. Just wait for God's signal. Hold onto your innocence. Hold onto your happiness. Hold onto your quirky disposition. Life is hard, but it is so sweet, beautiful, and precious. Keep rocking those crooked teeth. No matter what people tell you, orange crocs are always in style. All my love, 23 year-old Allison