dear insecurity, i am relatively confident in my identity. however, you absolutely know when i'm doubting things and know just where to hit. i must say, i'm impressed with your tactic... but... it's not cool. your stabbing words encourage nothing but self deprecation; bringing down my self worth. so, it's time i tell you something that's been weighing on my heart: you are toxic, and i'm breaking up with you. <<lay off the sweets--there is such a thing as too curvy.>> oh my gosh. you're right--i gained like two pounds in the past week. crap crap crap. i'm supposed to be losing weight for steph's wedding--not gaining it! i might as well say good-bye to that plus one. <<plus one? at this rate, it'll be more like plus fifty.>> <<no one appreciates the love you give them. and if they do, it won't last long.>> i know. just look at all the failed friendships in my life! i'm a walking example of failure. maybe i'll just shut off my emotions again. <<you are weird and it makes people uncomfortable.>> probably a contribution to my singleness. <<that pimple on your forehead? the size of everest.>> i didn't think...HOLY CRAP. it multiplied. oh no, oh no, oh no. <<you're not strong enough for tomorrow or next week. and like, in all areas: emotionally, physically, and spiritually.>> don't you think that's a little harsh? <<no>> well... it is. however, i can see where you're coming from. i cry at least two times a week. i haven't worked out in a while. and i feel like there's constant battle between my spirit and flesh. so i guess you're right. <<DUDE. pick up your chapstick game. your lips look like the sahara desert.>> nothing is working. i'll just keep a distance from people so they can't see. maybe that will work for my acne too... <<you're selfish for moving away from your family and friends. stop telling yourself that they still love you. allie, you're never going to be enough for them.>> you are absolutely right. i should have stayed home to help with wedding planning, to be a buffer in conflict, and provide encouragement. what was i thinking? insecurity, because of you, i have:
given up on things and people i love over the years
kept parts of my personality in the dark
body shame my own body
none of this is okay. you are no longer welcome to provide input. your harsh tone, slimy words, and cunning personality have consumed my mind long enough. you are a minion of the enemy; sent to create a roadblock in my walk with the Lord. did you know that i was created in His perfect image? Jesus has made me His own (Philippians 3:12). please stop distracting me from following Him. i'd be lying if i said i am perfect. and i'd be an even bigger liar if i said i were a perfect christian. while i strive to be in His image every day, i fail as a result of my relationship with sin. it's a love-hate relationship. love it because it reminds me of how broken i am, which encourages me to continuously press further and further into His heart. i hate it because i am reminded of how greasy and pathetic i am. i don't need you to also be reminding me of that or encouraging me to intentionally walk in sin. which is why i refuse to continue to let you have authority over my thoughts. i am absolutely worthy of beauty and love. i am living a life of passion. i am rocking my singleness. i am hilarious. i am doing my best to follow the path He has laid before me. i do want to thank you, though. thank you for strengthening me. fortunately, it's over. i hope we never meet again. as justin bieber once said, you should go and love yourself. xoxo -A p.s. confidence sends her best <3