january 31, 2005
"today is my dad's birthday! tonight will be a lot of fun. except for the fact that i have martial arts. don't get me wrong it's fun just not when you have to do it on your dad's birthday.
after martial arts my grandma is coming over. on saturday my grandma brought over lobster and steak. so we're having that tonight! yummy! i'm making my dad's favorite cake. that's ANGEL FOOD with handmade chocolate frosting.
when we finish dinner we're going to play imaginiff...that's a really cool game. my uncle jim might stop over in between that time. all though i'm upset that tonight will be over so soon. the best is it's my dad's birthday and it's a day closer to mine."
growing up, dad was just a guy who had a molestache, spanked me, ate cereal with me on the weekends, supported me in my sporting endeavors, locked the car windows after farting, came to christmas concerts, and blessed me with a hammer toe. my 12 year old self saw him as the reason to eat lobster saturated in butter once a year only to follow it up with some high calorie cake. but today, at the ripe age of 24, he is so much more. he still has some questionable facial hair and eats cereal with me on the weekends that i'm home, but i've grown to recognize and appreciate his heart. a heart that wants to protect its family and make sure everyone is safe, regardless of the circumstances.
this summer i was able to spend six plus weeks back home in wisconsin. while it was one of the most challenging and emotionally draining summers of my life, it was one of my favorites. i don't think i have been able to spend so much time with dad since our road trip to canada way back in spring 2014. nights were filled with cribbage, tiki torch croquet on the golf-course, pontoon rides, kayaking, and strong faith based conversations.
through the eye of our hurricane summer, the Lord has blessed us. His provision has held our little family unit together despite the enemy's attempts to destroy it. in my dad, i saw characteristics similar to those of Joshua: taking initiative in faith, lead our family with a vision of hope and promise, and he waited on the Lord for His response. of course errors were made, but dad has been steadfast through it all, learning from his mistakes. as the debris settles, dad has kept an attitude of humility. like Rahab, he has allowed his statement of fear to become his statement of faith as he begins to let God become the god of him.
Psalm 18:2 says,
"the Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
this summer, i learned just how important it is to lean on the Lord rather than man. even more so, the importance of waiting on His timing rather than our own (which seems to be a constant lesson in my life). at times, i found myself raising my clenched fist with a fiery anger towards God asking him "WHY"--negative things seemed to unfold one after the other. but then soon after an angry and angsty prayer, ones which would perhaps equate with David's, His hand would appear and take care of the shituation. the direction of my prayer began to change. i began to pray expectantly, knowing that He was in control and His agape love would be enough.
one of my feeble summer prayers was answered! dad began to press into the Lord's heart and seek Him in a way i had never seen before. we were able to glean from one another and i was able to pray with dad with an open and vulnerable heart, asking that the Lord's will be done in our situation. i have been able to witness dad's prayers gain fervency as he slowly opens His heart to the Lord more and more, timidly awaiting God's promises for him.
i have no doubt that the Lord has something absolutely rad planned for gar-bear. the dude has already touched the hearts of so many people of all ages. it's exhausting to go anywhere with him because he just gabs and gabs. his smile and disposition can make anyone feel at home. he is always able to put a smile on someone's face, no matter their age. i see him not only as my dad, but also as a bestie. he is there to support me in all my endeavors, allows me to beat him in cribbage, frustrates me, makes me laugh, knows just when i need a hug (or a beer), challenges me in my liberal thinking, and...still farts. he has a way of making anyone feel loved -- despite their past or present struggles. his warm laughter is like a warm hug. he radiates the love of Christ.
on july 30, 2017 (twelve years after my weird journal entry) fifty plus voices filled the room: "gary, Gary, GAry, GARy, GARY!..." this continued for a solid thirty seconds. dad was up there with the microphone unsure of what to do with himself as he anxiously awaited to give his speech at his youngest daughter's wedding. this chant was started by myself and the bridal party. the support for this guy as he gave away his daughter just six weeks ago was absolutely incredible and a reminder of how impactful a father figure can be in our lives. though i maybe wasn't the best writer at eleven years old, i loved you then and i love you now <3
xoxo
-a