life is...
funky.
unpredictable.
challenging.
exciting.
incredible.
scary.
wild.
beautiful.
disastrous.
Big.
life is about...
infectious groove.
perseverance.
disappointments.
fulfilling a plan.
dancing.
urgency.
harvest and fruit.
growth.
trusting.
Him.
my life right now, well when i first started drafting this post, is about funky beats in my ear, a cold london fog on the table, resisting the urge to pee, and people watching in a coffee shop. the day is overcast but like always, holds the promise of something wild happening. not just for me, but for the woman in floral leggings and white adidas shoes. for the dude in khaki shorts and a blue tee, hiding his overdue haircut under a ball cap. for the tourist family walking around in packers gear navigating the streets of downtown juneau. and for the group of young heathens congregating on the sidewalk drinking their ice teas.
a few weeks ago, my life was about something totally different. it was about going into my third rollerblade marathon with minimal training. it was about preparing for one of my best friend’s weddings. it was about adventuring through europe for three weeks: camping, sangria, tapas, baguettes, gelato, hiking, navigating foreign city streets, and being sun-kissed. it was about unplugging from the realities that were waiting for me back in juneau. a real vacation with my blistered and sunburnt feet kicked back and reflecting on the moments that got me there: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
the bad is often a result of letting my weaknesses and desires of the flesh take me down the all too familiar road to sin. the ugly is a result of friends and family letting their own weaknesses and desires of the flesh take them down the road to sin. but the good? oh my gosh! that’s a result of God’s grace and mercy in ALL of those situations.
life...
it sure is funky but when in lockstep with the Lord, in an infectious groove, i feel unstoppable. He has my back no matter what throws off my groove (even if i am causing myself to stumble). through the unpredictable moments, i am more prone to acting in the flesh. but the more time i spend with Him in the word & in prayer, there is a Spirit that quiets my anxieties. a Spirit that lets me know i will persevere for my strength comes from Him. as challenges and road blocks are presented, i selfishly wallow in disappointment towards myself: the way i reacted, what i said, being weak, being naive, inflating my ego, causing others to stumble, etc. while wallowing may feel productive, it's not. in no way does it bring glory to God. several tubs of ice-cream and batches of cookie dough later, i have FINALLY and fully, realized that the disappointment i feel towards myself is a repeated consequence of my own sin. and thus a reminder of how much i need Jesus. the productive alternative to wallowing is to move forward in forgiveness for He has forgiven me. how exciting to think that every day is a new day; that every day the Holy Spirit falls fresh should we ask Him. that even though i mess up, more than 70 x 7, i still have the privilege to be the hands and feet of Jesus. God is still using my garbage self to fulfill a much greater plan for His kingdom sake. IT MAKES MY HEART WANT TO DANCE WITH HAPPINESS!
i get stressed with the unknown plan for my life. so often i think i know the route i'm on but then it changes. i'm terrified by the lack of a direct route of what's next. ya know? {like after fifth grade, you know you're going to middle school and then on with the big dog high-schoolers and then college. but after that little $35,000 stint what the heck happens next?} i can tell you that what i thought would be life is in fact, FALSE. i never in a million years would have guessed that at age 25 i would be where i am right now. the idea of ~potentially~ settling into a career is absofreakinlutely terrifying to me. to reiterate, I AM ONLY 25 (and a half (almost)). financially, graduate school seems out of the question. but logically, it makes the most sense. then there's the (constant) battle between allie and God in whether or not that's in the cards, what the program would be, where it would be, when it would be, and so many other factors. but because of the world's need for Light, and believe it or not life is not about me, there is great urgency and importance in being patient and content with where i am. He has me planted in this little quirky rainforest for a very specific and purposeful reason. i absolutely trust in Him but tbh, it can be challenging. being in and out of juneau all summer has definitely taken a toll on my spiritual life because of a lack of routine, which i know is simply an excuse i'm making for myself. as a result, though, life has felt disastrous. but it has been a wake up call to continue trusting in Him so that i may continue to reap the harvest in the life He has given me. so that i may continue to love and serve others as He has called me to do.
life...
we're only given one: if you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you'll lose it, but if you let that life go, you'll get life on God's terms (Luke 17:33 MSG). the more time i spend out of my spiritual routine, the more gloomy i feel. but when i take the time to consistently be intentional in my relationship with the Lord, a huge weight is lifted from my heart.
this summer, through my travels and shortcomings and victories, the Lord has (re)taught me five important things:
1. Jesus ministering to me when i am gloomy is more comforting than a tub of ice-cream
2. my strength comes from the Lord
3. God can, and does, work in any situation; the outcome is often not what i expect
4. i am not in control of life and therefore am unable to control the actions of those around me; only God can
5. the best resource i have is prayer
[6. He has blessed us with cows: meat, milk, and cheese; especially wonderful in Europe]
xoxo
-A
(below you'll find a lil' gallery of my summer adventures! i have SO many photos on my computer so i just selected a few. also check out my video section for more insight on how our marathon went!)
