it has been nearly four years since i have written anything. i've been asking myself -- why did i stop? i don't have a good answer. but hopefully if you're reading this, you're a little bit excited? or maybe looking for something to roast me about? or you're a spy? regardless of who you are or what your motives are, welcome!
well, honestly, a lot has happened since june 2019 and i'm not going to take the time to give a play by play. but you can assume that friends got married and had kids, mountains were climbed, tears were shed, laughs were had, and i watched tiger king. you can assume i ate my weight in popcorn. and i found out that i won a fight in fifth grade to a now UFC champ.
my noteworthy update, apart from my UFC victory, is that i moved out of my favorite rainy city to alaska's metropolis the summer of 2021. i can go to target whenever i want to. there are dive bars galore. there are dirty snowbanks and glorious mountain tops. there's a path in my backyard that will take me anywhere in the city. i'd describe anchorage as "kind of weird, kind of funky." come visit, and you'll know just what i mean.
i love the organization that i work with -- a total 180º shift from the job i moved up here for. it is incredibly refreshing to work with an organization that encourages dreaming, scheming, and creativity. there are some huge things in the works right now and i'm blown away by how plans are unfolding. i cannot wait to share more as it becomes more concrete! what felt like a pipe dream i would maybe tackle in my 40's is manifesting now...
it's very humbling to hear the broken stories of the clients i work with and to be a part of their dreaming. their laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds. they have experienced some of the most horrendous darkness and yet, they see the light in their lives. it's what propels them forward. we can easily talk about the abuse they experienced in trafficking and transition in the snap of a finger to talking about what we would store in our hollow peg legs.
personally, 2022 was not an easy year. perhaps... one of the toughest. i blamed God for the disappointment i was experiencing. what felt like disappointment, was a distraction from the joy He was surrounding me with. what felt tumultuous, was a test of faith. the painful encounters were necessary so that i may enter into a new season of freedom around my identity, purpose, creativity, and dreams.
am i afraid? yes. but it's because i don't know how to operate in this new place. i was reading in joshua just the other day. the israelites were trying to cross the jordan to get to jericho but they were too afraid of the water. the priests went ahead of them, with the Ark of the Covenant (ie God), and the flow of the water changed, enabling every person of this nation to safely cross. their eyes were fixed upon God. God was with them. Jesus is Immanuel, or God with us. (and fun fact, Jesus' name in hebrew is Yeshua, which translates to joshua -- pretty wild)
the israelites were afraid to cross over to the Promised Land, into their newfound freedom. would it be easy for them moving forward? no. but they were never abandoned.
conviction pierced my heart like a rusty dagger after reading this -- my favorite feeling. what is there to be afraid of when Jesus is with me in this new place? n o t h i n g .
xoxo
-a
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