the Gardener waits
as i stare at the new mound,
my tears drench the soil.
He holds out His hand,
inviting me to trust Him,
offering me hope.
i drop my shovel,
my hands blistered and dirty.
and hold His scarred hand.
i let out a breath -
the first in what felt like days.
"i'm sorry" i say.
"sorry about what?"
"holding on too tightly,
and fucking things up."
"see these daisies here?"
i look around my garden.
"they grew from your heart"
"each one represents
a surrendered dream, heartache,
mistake, and My grace."
i begin to weep.
"Allison, you did not fuck up."
(i am still weeping)
"You opened your heart
to the gift I had for you.
That's an act of love."
we dialogue more
as i look at my dirt pile
and grip His hand tight.
"Jesus, i'm so scared."
"I know, but you need not be.
Please trust me with this."
i look at His eyes -
they're teary, filled with kindness.
"okay, i'll trust You."
i take one last glance
at my freshly buried seeds,
then we start to walk .
i pause - my heart is
anxious for what's yet to bloom.
"who will tend to them?'
"Both you and the seed
will grow in this spring season.
But in the meantime,
your shovel is here -
a reminder of the love
you have for this seed.
I will tend to them.
My own tears will water them,
because I love them.
My hands will dirty
as I nurture the rich soil
and care for this life.
Indubitably
this sweet plant's life will flourish
because I love it."
i take one last glance,
and walk with the Gardener
towards new beginnings.
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