snow globe noun
: a sphere usually made of glass containing a miniature scene and flakes suspended in a clear liquid that give the appearance of snow falling onto the scene when the sphere is shaken
lately, i've had this image of a snow globe stuck in my head. i can't quite shake it (no pun intended). i've spent some time sitting with this image, both praying and meditating on its meaning. the conclusion i've come to is that i feel as if my whole self is trapped behind the glass walls of expectation as i wander through earth's picturesque scenery. there's so much around me that leaves me with a sense of peace: the people i meet, the mountains, the rain, a cup of tea, the smell of salty air, the ducks near my house, the heart of Jesus. however, the twists and turns of life often disrupt my peace. as emotions are stirred up, the clarity and confidence i once had seem to disappear.
there is comfort in stability, the serene moments when life seems simple and settled. much like the calmness inside a snow globe before it is shaken. relational stability, to feel loved, is the core of my peace.
the relationships that have seen me at my worst and best leave my heart feeling wrapped in an infinite hug. i don't have to worry about the expectation others have placed on me, the labels i've been given. they're cozy, they present challenge, they stabilize me. but when the stability is disrupted, i lose all sense of myself. my cozy, serene environment now feels sideways and unfamiliar. and from there, chaos is unleashed. there's of course natural things that occur but i can't overlook the supernatural. the enemy of my soul knows the key to derailing me is to come after my relationships. sometimes i can spot the attack coming in advance and other times it catches me off guard, left in a flurry and a loss of self. the world as i knew it is no longer in existence.
i'm left feeling unworthy of love, frozen with fear. how much more can my heart take? will things settle, and if so, when will it get shaken up again?
typically, this disruption takes place when something big is about to happen. so it really shouldn't surprise me when it does but some how, it jump scares me. every time. when i'm left questioning my whole self, i'm unable to fully step into my identity because the voices of the world around me, my flesh, and the enemy have the mic. voices that speak messages of shame, fear, and accusatory statements. i'm left second guessing everything, losing all sense of clarity and confidence.
i feel confused, weary of fighting the same fight. i yearn for peace amidst the chaos that my heart feels when my life's snow globe is shaken. i lose all sense of peace when relationally, i feel sideways. there's a sense of restlessness as i wait for things to settle. it's a drawn out battle between truth and lies. when will there be infinite peace? when will things settle?
the beautiful thing, though, is there will be restoration. things will settle again, and undoubtedly get shaken up. just as the the snow globe's snow settles. earlier this spring, i experienced one of the most painful relational blows. since, things have settled and gotten shaken and settled and shaken. just last week my wounds around it were once again exposed, leaving me feeling defeated and hazy. but, it's a refining process for me, and for them.
my snow globe was shaken up in the spring, and as things were settling, someone kept shaking it -- old and new relationships were impacted. i was impacted. things started to settle a little bit over the summer but it was soon shaken again. what i thought was clarity was actually confusion. a few weeks ago, i reconnected with my peace and just last week a tornado blazed through it. i don't know when it will settle next, or if it even will. but, i guess... it's imperative to continuously hold onto the pockets of peace and joy in the middle of what feels chaotic. the other areas that represent peace for me and for you, are still going to be there even if our core feels disrupted.
what is your core peace? what are the smaller pockets of peace and joy? what is it that you can control? what's the next step forward?
there's a gift in life's unpredictability. as the snow settles, we can walk away feeling stronger and more resilient. often, there's a deeper level of clarity about ourselves, life, and the supernatural world.
even when life feels like a whirlwind, strive to keep seeking clarity and peace. embrace the chaos as part of the journey. there's something in it for you every step of the way.
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