my alarm went off at 7:00 am this morning, but it wasn’t the first time i woke up since going to bed at 9:00 pm last night. a combination of jet lag and having one less short of a million things on my mind.
i was disappointed to wake up because it meant that my dream had come to an end. a dream that contradicted reality. i wiped a few tears from my eyes then begrudgingly got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and put on my “running clothes”. i laced up my shoes then went
out the door, trudging through the dandelions until I hit the trail. i started to run but honestly, just didn’t have it in me. so I transitioned to a fast pace walk.
my watch died, which meant losing my music source. for four miles, it was me and my thoughts. oh, and Jesus. i began talking to Him about what has been going on in my life and voicing the desires of my heart – primarily voicing my frustrations around them.
what came to mind next was a distorted image of my heart with a tree growing out of it. the tree represented my life – each branch a desire, a dream. some of the branches had brilliant shades of green and some had not yet leafed. in that moment, my conversation with Jesus shifted from a place of frustration to one of asking the Holy Spirit to strengthen my faith. a conversation where i asked God to remove the roots of this tree that were of my flesh and not His heart.
a few of my desires remained strong at the forefront of my mind, and He gently whispered that He would water them and provide the necessary light so they can grow, even on the days where my doubts cast shade. the other desires are still there but they are tiny little sprouts, waiting to grow or waiting to be pruned. i'm not the arborist, God is. i have been gifted with the ability to enjoy my tree: the song birds that come and go, the fruit it produces, the scars it bears, the refuge it provides, and the dreams it holds.
it's reverent and deeply connected to my heart.
"delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." psalm 37:4
xoxo
-A
UNORGANIZED, UNFINISHED, AND SCATTERED THOUGHT:
in writing this, this morning's revelation has just like exploded into a million little thought pieces in my brain.... here's an unorganized thought around all of this:
my heart, and your heart, carries away unwanted carbon dioxide and waste products. to me this is very interesting because a tree consumes carbon dioxide during photosynthesis and in exchange, releases oxygen. oxygen is necessary for survival, it is what our lungs need. some biblical scholars would say that when we breathe, the hebrew name of God equates to the sound of our breath: YHWH. YH being inhale, and WH being exhale. and we have simply added the 'a' and the 'e' to get: YAHWEH...
Comments